book guest wonderful

School:
i have come to a conclusion. And i really want to talk this out with my mentor. Maddie and i were talking about school, and my need to do well and how i feel like iapos;m not achieving my potential and whatnot. And she said something. And i realized, i need to stop doing things for other people so much. I need to stop doing things for the wrong reasons. I have a c in my art music class (which is the biggest piece of shit class i have ever taken) and why was i concerned? because that meant the chances of getting more financial would be lower for me next year if i dont raise my grade to a B by semester. I didnt even think of the fact that this c meant that i didnt know the material as well as i should. I only thought about what the grade meant. So, i am trying a new approach. To do things for me. Maybe if i do it that way, things will work out better. Maybe if i study harder and learn things to gain KNOWLEDGE, then things will work themselves out... I think it will be better that way.

iapos;m taking classes at parkland this summer. Maybe iapos;ll save some money and some time.

life:
i need to move out by next school year. And iapos;m worried that it wont happen. It isnt happening for the spring semester because if i screwed up my parents couldnt afford to help me. So, i could afford it - - barely- - but i could still afford it. But my parents told me that they would have to help if i messed up, and the couldnapos;t afford to help if this happened. I understand this. And i understand that my focus is my education. But, i also know that it is important for my well being to move out. I know that i have to take this step sometime, and in all honesty if i waited to the point where my parents could help me if screwed up, i would probably never move out. So the plan.. To move out by next fall. Iapos;m going to work as much as possible, and make sure it happens, but it HAS to happen.

music:
well, i guess this COULD go under the school section. But you know how i was all emo last week? i got over it. I think everyone has those moments of "what the fuck am i doing". Iapos;m not saying iapos;m over my insecurities. But, i am confident in what i am doing. I know that i am here for a reason. I mean, fuck... There is no way i would have gotten into a majority of the schools i applied to based on academics. No way. U of i, not a chance. But i got in because i could sing. They ignored the fact that my academic record wasnt good enough based on the fact that i was talented. Thats a big gamble. So... Iapos;m ready. And i know that everything is going to be alright.

like maddie said in her post. You know what you want to do when your little, how to make a difference. Well, when i was little i walked around my backyard singing at the top of my lungs pretending i was a famous singer. At 5 i knew where i wanted to go in life. And now, here i am.

its gunna be interesting. For everyone. Its going to really be something.�

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