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Itapos;s the day after finishing 2 full marathons, and I am truly amazed. I woke up a little stiff, but really none the worse for wear. I got up and puttered around for a bit,a nd when it was time for the pools to open at lunchtime, I was ready to go to the Y. I stopped and poked my head into the Y directorapos;s office and jangled my 2 shiny new marathon medals at him. He used to be my college track and cross country coach, and I was the least likely one of our whole bunch to be the obsessed marathoner... He looked at me like I was crazy, especially since I was walking normally and headed towards a pool workout instead of lying in pain in my bed. What better way to help those muscles recover than a light workout to get the blood flowing? He even wandered down to the pool later on and just shook his head at me. It takes a lot to surprise and impress this coach, so I was well pleased with myself. I ended up doing about 45 minutes or stretching and water walking in the warm pool, and when they had to close it to adjust the chlorine level, I went on over to the lap pool to see what I was capable of. I ended up doing 18 lengths (about a quarter of a mile) and then decided to head out. Iapos;m supposed to be recovering, but I really felt good... My watch died yesterday (AFTER the race had ended,thank goodness), so I went to Walmart to get antoher. I found somehting that suited my needs on the cheap rack, so I was happy. Itapos;s a little lighter than the one Iapos;ve had for the past 3 years, and itapos;s pink, so those are nice bonuses. I had a craving (my body is good at telling me what I need after races), so I went and found my desired edibles. Today that was biscuits and gravy and breakfast wraps with eggs, bacon, hash browns, and cheese. LOL. I always seem to want breakfast foods the day after a marathon...

I got a HUGE package of CDs in the mail today, a lovely friend burned me copies of all the Michael Johns stuff that is unavailable so I could have a hard copy and take the files off Johnapos;s comp (he doesnapos;t have a burner). How appropriate for it all to arrive on Mikeyapos;s 30th birthday... (Happy Birthday, Dance Machine I wonapos;t wish you a great party, since I know you guys already had your big bash last night)

Iapos;m going to hear the Marine Corps Band tonight then coming home to drink all the good stuff Iapos;ve set aside for the last couple weeks.
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Today is a sad sad sad day D:
i dont know whyyyyyyyyyy.

we had chinese mocks today
well, the compo questions were rather easy. Can write a good one. But the atmosphere was so wrong. I didnt feel like doing at all. So i anyhow crapped up some retarded story which when you read it, WILL NOT MAKE ANY SENSE. Confirmed Azman is the b.e.s.t. He didnt even do the compo LOL. So he sat there and did everything but the compo I have no guts like him. No matter how much i want to scream and shout, crush the paper up and walk out, my hands still move to the flow of chinese words. What a sad life. Well, im just glad i dont pen those thoughts down or there goes my chances of PASSING let alone an A? lol

pw after that.
did finish videoing. I miss acting
i really do.
anw, i gtg edit more of pw.
out.

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1. What is your path? Just to understand (Iapos;m just getting back into this sorry)
2. How long have you been practicing? On and off since I was 13 (Iapos;m 21 now)
3. Do you follow any certain deities? If so who? My aunt and my Ma(who was murdered in 2005, sheapos;s the one that really got me into stuff)
4. Practice any type of Divination? What types? Iapos;m still trying to re-learn all this, thatapos;s why I joined this group to help me, I will answer soon)
5. What do you hope to see/learn in this community? To learn more and share stories with others, make some new friends since I only have 1 wiccan friend.
6. Anything else youapos;d like to share? Yes, I have spirits that follow me, stand at the end of my bed. Most of the time they are harmless, but sometimes not. My cat is good at helping me with things. Iapos;ve had many experiences in my life Iapos;m really to share.

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Yesterday was amazing.
Andrew like randomly asked me to go to the Knights game with him and we were both like flipping out.
It was SO COLD
Like I could not feel my fingers.
We stopped at the army stand and sat and talked with the guys for like a half an hour. They gave us free bracelets and tee shirts and hats. Our plan is to wear it all on monday so we can match :]
We went and watched the game and after totally destroying UB, army kind of well... Died. So UB came back and tied it. And then in overtime we got�a stupid delay of game and that totally ruined everything for us. So we lost. *Tear*


but then andrew came over because my family was having a bunch of people over for the game. And he was like so nice with�my family. He was like joking with them and my dad and just so comfortable. We went in the basement to watch the game because we couldnapos;t really go anywhere upstairs because there were so many people there.
We got down there and talked about everything. Ghost stories and hauntings... West Point... The military in general... Books, school, sports, the list goes on.
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Woke up from a really wonderful dream this morning; I got a kitty in it, a super fuzzy nice hyper kitty that loved water And was always in my arms. X3 Probably because Fenix got a new kitty, so Iapos;ve been thinking about them lately. Also had other nice things, but I can no longer remember it all. :)


So I had a great day, for the first half of it. Then got spazzed out on about not helping in the basement, when nobody even told me that they had started....ended up not even being able to, I got so stressed out. I cried myself to sleep, without realizing it. At least I felt better afterward, although Iapos;ve been sleepy since.

Started reading CH VII of SPHERIC today JUST now finished it, and It was so amazing, so intense.....I donapos;t think I should even attempt to explain how excited Iapos;ve been while reading it Too bad I didnapos;t get to have the first comment, though....

Other than that, today realy was a rollercoaster...thatapos;s the only way I know how to put it. :S
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Before I get into anything particularly drama-inducing, I should point out that I love my life. I finally have the life Iapos;ve wanted since I left my last class in 2004, and I would never dream of doing anything that would jeopardize this life that Iapos;ve built for myself.

I had just left the bus when the skytrain whispered into station above me. I figured that if I put a move on, I could get on and get to Waterfront station within tenish minutes. Thatapos;d give me enough time to get a coffee at Starbucks and get on the seabus. As luck would have it, I just squeaked inside after bounding up the stairs two at a time, and I figured I was making pretty good time. The only unusual thing was the amount of people on the platform, but I figured Toronto had their first pre-season homegame coming up in the next few days, so it wasnapos;t totally out of the question for the Canucks to have had their first homegame. Granted, I wasnapos;t exactly
looking for Canucks jerseys, yet it didnapos;t occur to me to think much of it.

Sleep deprived and not in the mood for dealing with people, I had my music up pretty loud and mustapos;ve missed the announcement. We stalled and stopped thrice before reaching the Chinatown station, and once again, I didnapos;t think much of it. When we arrived at the station one of the Translink folks poked their heads in and informed everyone that Granville station was closed down completely and weapos;d have to reroute. Iapos;d have to get off the train and wait for one to come out of the tunnel.

I stepped out into a huge crowd. Mostly confused passengers with a few Translink types and a few tight-lipped cops. Naturally, nobodies answering questions behind long faces and eyes that stare a little too long. I know what that means. That means that somethingapos;s gone wrong in the station. My mind goes to the most obvious, gruesome place. Thatapos;s just how my mind works. I figure theyapos;re holding the train up to give Translink and other officials a chance to hose down the tracks.

Eventually, we rolled on through on our way. I was late for work, but that happens so rarely that nobody either noticed nor cared. I have a reputation for being reliable and I aim to keep it that way.

Iapos;m sure thereapos;s a statistic for the amount of people who die every minute in this city. Iapos;m sure thereapos;s a certain sub-statistic for the amount of those that are suicides. These would be the ones we never hear about for the privacy of the individualapos;s family, and maybe because theyapos;re afraid of triggering more. Suicide is contagious. If the mind is in the wrong place the notion of it becomes seductive. The mind rejects it. Pushes against it. Itapos;s an absurd thought and it requires a leap of faith to go from thinking on it to acting on it. The mind needs to be
coaxed into it. Unfortunately, after the mind is sufficiently coaxed, that leap of faith isnapos;t a hard one to make. It even begins to have a twisted sort of logic. Iapos;m talking like I know this from experience, and yeah, I do. I havenapos;t thought about offing myself since I was a teen and Iapos;m glad those times ended. I thought they never would. I was a pretty emo kid, but I internalized it so I wouldnapos;t bother anyone with my problems. That, I suppose you could say, I still do.

Suicide and mortality in general makes me contemplative. When the body is run down by lack of food, sleep deprivation, or what not, I tend to ruminate on Camusapos;s thoughts on life and suicide. Those being in relation to the myth of Sisyphus. It makes a strange sort of sense. How lifeapos;s daily grind sometimes seems like continually pushing a rock uphill forever with no rhyme nor reason to it. Answers to all questions of teleology on the upward climb involve stopping, and stopping means dying. Dying means leaping onto the skytrain station tracks in front of a
passing train. Dying means being hosed in little vacuum packed bodybags and incinerated.

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to die? Does consciousness fade like the dawn? Or do you remain, feeling your body grow cold, lying unable to move, consciousness permanently suspended behind a body that refuses to move until the bacterial agents that surround us every second of your existence eat up the flesh that once housed you?

Man is meat.

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At this point I have given up all hope of persuading anyone.

Iapos;ve got friends who wouldnapos;t vote for Obama if he was the second coming of christ. I got friends who will vote for Obama because they think heapos;s the second coming of something.

Proof, evidence of even good arguments arenapos;t going to persuade anyone I know anymore. I beginning to wonder if undecided voters are just wuses who canapos;t commit or something.. But I donapos;t seem to know any.
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